The Nature of Love

We are now entering into the second phase of my journey, which we can call :Jew in Thailand or more accurately Falling Down the Rabbit Hole. How I arrived in Thailand, and the many adventures that I have had since February I would love to share with you. But I am in the now of this moment. And this moment is beautiful and it will not last. So let me share what I have learned thus far, since leaving the safety and security of my world in Boston...

"What is love?" my friend asks me as we are walking along a dirt road at night. I cannot answer her fully. I only know what it is to be in love, I offer her, the common symptoms of tingling and excitement. We both know that love is more than the smallness of these emotions and yet with all our intellect, we cannot puzzle it out. We have no words for it.

Since this night, many words, or definitions have been offered to me about the nature of love. My former lover, suggested that love is a state of being. I shared this with my friend, delighted to have a simple answer to such a complicated question. I chew on this concept for days. Until I can answer, yes, I am in a loving state of being with Israel, with barren hilltops, with the farm, with my basil plants, with my lover. Yet, still there is a disconnect, a gap from love.

Still I search. I walk many nights, along many dirt paths. Love is fleeting. It is not a constant state of being. Months pass. I am in a hall listening to a lecture given by a Swami about Detachment. I learn that people are not objects, we do not own them. I listen to this teacher describe Unconditional Love. This is a love without wants and needs. In this way, one can be hurt, disapointed and angry, since our expectations are not met. But there is still love. Love flows always, and if we perceive it to end, it was not love. Only an illusion of wants and needs. This is the fleeting aspect.

Weeks pass, and now I am hurt, disapointed and angry. There is a moment, so large which clouds out everything and I am detached from all love. This is a passing cloud. There are other moments, small at first, but increasing. In these moments fo clarity, I remain absolutely still and I understand, truly understand the nature of love.

Let me share with you now, which I know to be the nature of love. I have found that I am love. I am part of the whole and the whole is love. Love is not connected to a single partner, which lets one into a state of love. One always choose to be in a state of love, if one lets the clouds pass. Thus one enters into a state of grace, a state of being with the universe which is loving and accepting.

I could not have answered from friend's question, at the beginning of the path, with the words I had then. The words I had then were restricting, contracting, hoarding. Before, I measured love into cups marked more and less, yours and mine.

But now, in a state of grace, memories from my former life flow over me. Like a movie screen, before my eyes, are filled with all the guestures of love that I have been shown. The heart feels full, but I know there is so much more to offer and receive. I will share these with you in my next posting.